You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
