Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
