The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
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