I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
she smelled like a LAN party
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
