dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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