Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
