love makes seman taste better
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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