he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
