So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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