i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
