i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Still dying that you shit outside
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
