I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I didn't shave. On purpose
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
