i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
