So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
