I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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