im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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