your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Randomize
