So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
