I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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