dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
