i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
