oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
