btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
