Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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