You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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