So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
