____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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