then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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