plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
