Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
