grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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