Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Randomize
