I'm going to jail i love you
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
my god I love twenty year old dicks
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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