i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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