So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
