TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
