Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
