I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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