...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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