I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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