We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
