The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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