he wants to bone in the snuggie
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
