there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
