the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
