You're so nebulous sometimes
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
