Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
