feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Pants are for mortals
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
