Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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