After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
We need to feng shui this bitch.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
