Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
