I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
