my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
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