i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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