he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize