I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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