Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
