what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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