I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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