alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
pray to the hookup gods
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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