Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
