I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
