Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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