I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
His nipple licking is glorious
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