You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
