I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
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