Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize