My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
