She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
