Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
