Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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