Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
