I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize