i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
