Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
