We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You ate ashes out of my bong
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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