HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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