I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
