The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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