At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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