yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
