My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
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