just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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