My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
