I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
pop tarts are not kleenex
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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