Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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