i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
