Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
