talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
