Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
