There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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