Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I skipped work to stalk him.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
