I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize