Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
