That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
