my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize