How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
