had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
